Ina May's Guide to Childbirth

(2003)
Ina May Gaskin

Finished Reading: 07.2010

Ever wonder what it's like to give birth? As a man, I have no idea, but I found this collection of birth stories to be incredibly useful and encouraging - and is nothing like you think you know unless you've done it. Often birth finds itself between the restrictive limits of medical recommendation and what is truly possible. This book chronicles what many women have to say about the story of their baby's birth. This isn't just speculation, averages, statistics or norms - these are the actual stories of incredible natural births, something that is often overlooked as possible.

Ina May is a midwife at a rural birthing center in Tennessee. Along with her fellow midwives, she delivers dozens (hundreds?) of natural births each year, and they all seem to come into the world differently. Women flock to this birthing mecca, seeking a counter-cultural environment of peace and harmony - allowing what is natural to take place without much intervention.

Some women have had different experiences with previous labors and seek the natural alternative on The Farm. Dissatisfied with the cold assembly line nature of the typical hospital, these women believe that nature has provided for the female body to embrace the labor process and help them birth a baby without the help of increasingly overused technology. Some things are not improved by the constant push of industry. The typical birth experience is certainly different than a typical life saving emergency, though you wouldn't know it by the way they are similarly handled.

While a home birth or natural birthing center experience isn't for everyone, books like this open our eyes to what else is out there. There is more to birth than the television hospital variety that ranges from pristine babies emerging from behind a sheet (already disconnected from the placenta, fat and chubby) to screaming horrors - women on their backs, strapped to the table, babies being extracted rather than born. As seen here, birth can happen quietly. The first breath of a human in the presence of people who really care, should be noteworthy not strange.

Mothering Magazine's Having a Baby, Naturally

The Mothering Magazine's Guide to Pregnancy and Childbirth

(2003)
Peggy O'Mara

Finished Reading: 05.2010

There are a lot of parenting and pregnancy books out there, but I have found this one to be the most useful so far. The information is presented in an easy to follow way, straight and unfiltered. The things you need to know - it's all in here (with a lean towards natural birth, but the hospital setting is well described as well). All the considerations and options are brought up, starting in the first trimester and working all the way through birth and afterwards. The book deals with how a woman feels emotionally and physically, what she needs nutritionally, and what is actually happening with her body at each stage of development. Although dads can benefit from the whole book by understanding what their wife is going through, there is a special section for men that gives advice on ways to help women most effectively.

I was particularly interested to know what I should expect during the actual birth and how a home birth differs from a hospital birth - in detail. While every birth is different of course, everything is well explained and diagrammed. The various stages of labor, the medications some women take or do not take, the surgical procedures that one could have or not have done and plenty of other interesting stuff. Clearly, giving birth in a hospital is nothing like giving birth at home. It's like comparing a microwavable dinner which comes packaged in a compartmentalized plastic tray to the experience of roasting meat over an open fire that you have hunted and caught yourself. Both methods give you a meal but that is where the similarities end.

Overly mystical and spiritual books on pregnancy and parenting don't interest me, so I skip over the sidebars in this one that recommend birth shrines, soul days, and introspective list making, but luckily these things and excerpts of short poetry are relegated to the sidebars and so you can easily choose whether or not to pay attention. If you're into that sort of thing its here, but you won't be inundated with it like with some books. However, the sidebars do contain some useful herbal remedies for various maladies as well as stretching and yoga exercises.

Whether a couple is still considering whether or not to have a natural birth or if they have already committed to that path, this book is a fantastic guide to the seemingly unknown path that lies ahead.

The Eco-Nomical Baby Guide

Down-to-Earth Ways for Parents to Save Money and the Planet

(2010)
Joy Hatch
Rebecca Kelley

Finished Reading: 05.2010

Besides the cute owl on the cover, this book contains some great ideas and methods for raising a child in an environmentally friendly way. Greener living doesn't always mean more expensive - even with a baby. With a little effort in doing things a little differently, parents can be satisfied with some level of a greener beginning for their child's life. Options are presented for the significant purchases of baby furniture, diapers, food and more. The pros and cons are detailed to promote informed choice and hopefully convince the parents that they don't need all the baby gear that is marketed to the American consumer. Some things can be found second-hand, more earth-friendly options are available, and with many things - we can do without. The parents are at liberty to decide which things work best for their family, as even the two authors diverge on what works best for them. This book is important for all adults who think of themselves as some sort of green parent, and maybe those who don't should check it out to see why. You may simply change your light bulbs to compact fluorescent and separate the recycling, you might live in a car-free urban situation, or possibly you believe in a one-child, no meat-eating lifestyle or find yourself somewhere in between.

Mixing humor with practicality, the authors have put together an extensive and easy to read guide to prepare you for the new baby. It was easy to skip over some sections which were completely non-applicable to my anticipated situation - such as bottle feeding tips and the best childcare options for working parents. Helpful diagrams are included, such as how to change a diaper and the cost comparison of various types of cloth diapers to disposables, alongside the environmental impacts.

The authors stress the first, and often forgotten of the Three R's - Reduce. Parents can save a lot of money by purchasing less stuff, and they do a good job of explaining why all that extra baby stuff isn't necessary. Far from an dictatorial Eco-manifesto on the best way to raise children, the Eco-nomical Baby Guide describes a range of options available for both the Extraordinarily Green and the Jaded Green parent. The book ends with Ten Simple Things You Can Do for the Planet Right Now (and Four Difficult Ones), challenging readers to see where their commitment to green parenting lies and to set goals for the future and their children's future.

Kids

How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Raise Our Children

(2001)
Meredith F. Small

Finished Reading: 04.2010

This book is the second part to Our Babies, Ourselves which covered the first year of human life. Kids picks up from age one, commenting on the next half dozen years, a period of serious development, learning and growing.

While American parents obsess about whether or not their child is in the right learning environment, whether she is maximizing her learning potential for her age, and whether or not she has the right toys which are needed to mold the intellect - most cultures simply let their children learn by observation and then give them something useful to do. While education is important, the author points out that our preoccupation with excessive education at an early age - preschool enrollment and constant chattering with our babies will not necessarily make them smarter. They will learn when their bodies are biologically ready to learn, and not before. Eventually children will speak and read, and the important thing is to encourage the joy of learning.

One chapter that I found to be particularly interesting was the one about gender differences, while the speculative chapters on the evolutionary history of, and reasons why we have a childhood I could have done without. Humans have a childhood while other animals do not, it is pointed out. Many animals are ready to run around on their own soon after birth while some are born helpless but grow quickly into mature adults before too long. This is interesting to note, but doesn't really help with making parenting decisions.

As far as gender goes, children don't know the biological difference between boys and girls for their first few years and so those pink dresses are not really reinforcing anything except their parents acquiescence to cultural norms. While pink dresses don't really hurt anything (except my sense of style), the author thinks our Western culture over does it a bit with established differences between adult male and female dress, hair, makeup and overall perception. Distinguishing gender is of course useful, as it makes it easier to know who to pursue when looking for a mate, but if we all wore brown and did our hair the same way, relationships could become awkward. Since children are not ready for all that, why force them into gender specific activities or to wear gender specific colors?

Similar to Our Babies Ourselves, this books shows we need to ask ourselves why we raise our children the way we do, and decide whether some of our parenting persuasions can be left behind in favor of a parenting style that is primarily beneficial for the child rather than simply a convenience for the parent. There is more than one way to raise a child.

Our Babies, Ourselves

How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent

(1998)
Meredith F. Small

Finished Reading: 04.2010

This book reveals the obvious but disregarded fact that babies are brought up differently in the various cultures around the world. Care for human babies contrasts with that of any other animal, and American parents raise their children differently than African, Asian or European parents. Parents of our decade make different choices than the previous generation - and we all do things that make even our own peers wonder why we don't parent like they do. No one really seems to know what works best, but everyone has an opinion and these judgements are passed on from one generation to the next with small adjustments along the way.

Ethnopediatrics is the study of how human culture shapes parenting styles in various cultures and over time, and seeks to bring together the disassembled global information on good parenting. As an invention of Western culture ethnopediatrics admits that Western culture is not necessarily the best standard for raising a child, nor is there any other one way that works by default for all parents. All cultures are studied to evaluate whether or not a particular culture has something to offer our own. To study outside of one's own culture is always eye opening, but to look at the cultural values of parenting particularly reveals the possible cracks in our own culture. I think the author takes an objective anthropological view, and after presenting numerous facts, one must consider whether the norm of American culture is really unrivaled.

The author asks us to think about why we do what we do while raising children. Our American culture has developed norms that are followed without hesitation, but we don't consider the ramifications for our actions. Choices are made, for example, between breastfeeding or bottle use, the scheduling of sleep, and how to deal with excessive crying. Every culture in the world is different and every culture raises their children differently, but "...there are other, equally valid ways to grow up."

The way we raise our children reflects what is important to us. Generally, Americans want their children to fully experience childhood and not to worry about being an adult until they are old enough and ready enough, while independence and intelligence are highly valued. High levels of competitive learning are encouraged early on, and maintaining normal growth is a priority. We submit to the latest technology and the authority of pediatricians and scientists, assuming everything old needs to be made new and that change is never unhealthy. Other cultures value dependence and hard work from an early age. Children are expected to help the family get done what needs to be done, and idle time for play is seldom found among these children. There is no concept of normal and competition for intelligence among infants is ridiculous because survival is of primary importance.

While I'm not getting into the details of these difference for this post, it is clear from the book that there are significant differences, and I would encourage investigation. It is not simply the third-world countries that maintain such divergent parenting styles from Americans, but other industrialized nations (such as Japan and the European nations) seek different goals for their children's growth. The author maintains that American culture is veering the furthest away from what is biologically imperative for healthy infant development. While our society enjoys unparalleled technological advancement which makes our adult lives easier, faster, more accurate and more comfortable; all babies are born into our world as they always have been. Upon entering the world, if born into a highly technological, independence-accentuating culture, the baby is faced with incredible stress and a situation completely opposite what is naturally necessary for infant development.

For me, this is one of those books that really opened my eyes to something new. Usually when I read non-fiction, I feel I know a little bit about the subject before beginning. After reading, my knowledge has been widened or enhanced, but reading about parenting is a new frontier. I don't know the first thing about parenting, except the cultural norms that I overhear. I don't know how to change a diaper, and I rarely hold a baby. There are no small children in my family or among close friends, so the only place to learn is by reading books - the quintessential American parenting experience. In most cultures, children are everywhere, spending time with all ages of adults and it would be strange to make it to your late 20's without knowing the first thing about parenting! This book focuses on sleeping, crying and eating - the only things a newborn really knows how to do. Having read this book, I feel substantially enlightened on these basics.

But my enlightenment is not just that of a non-parent becoming a parent and picking up a few new skills to deal with children. This has been an enlightenment on what is not quite right with American parenting. American culture seems very strange when compared to the rest of the world, and I feel strange for always questioning my culture (not only in matters of parenting), but the more I study and learn about what is normal, the stranger it seems. Many of the choices parents make are purely cultural and have no biological or medical reasoning. Very often an un-American approach to parenting, though controversial, seems very intelligent and appropriate and is often best for the baby. A baby is not an accessory or a deficit in the life of a parent. A baby is a valued, wholly dependant asset.

Particularly disturbing is the trend of foreign relief workers instilling a Western style on parenting values for cultures that are vastly different from our own - simply because we think our way is the best and everyone in the world ought to be doing it. (The Crusades, anyone?) Bottle feeding, social taboos and other new exports are destroying the once-healthy mother-baby relationship and contributing to the upheaval of entire third-world nations. New diseases and higher birthrates and thus more deaths are the results of our interventions, though well-intended.

While I see many things that American parents are doing wrong, we are doing many things right and other cultures have their problems as well. But the ability to consider the merits of another culture and decide for yourself what is best for your baby, without blindly following your own cultural norms, is essential to an educated and proper upbringing of any child. I hope to never fall into a choice justified only by, "that's just what you do."